Staying strong
I know that this blog have had a lot of negative posts about all the things that has been bad or gone wrong and I'm sorry about that but this trip has been hard and it has been a lot of negative feelings along the way. Now when I'm starting to see the end of this trip, in 2½ weeks will I be back in Sweden, am I starting to reflect over things.
Before this trip a lot of people told me that I was so strong and brave for going on this trip alone. And I didn't really understand them, I just said "thank you" but thought for myself "I'm only going away for 10 weeks it's nothing" I have lived abroad alone for a year before. But now almost 8 weeks in to this trip do I understand them a lot better and yes I'm strong as hell for doing this alone. This has been the toughest trip but also the most instructive trip that I have made. There has been times during this stay when I have been on the edge of giving up but I decide to stick with it, I decided to stay strong.
Before this trip a lot of people told me that I was so strong and brave for going on this trip alone. And I didn't really understand them, I just said "thank you" but thought for myself "I'm only going away for 10 weeks it's nothing" I have lived abroad alone for a year before. But now almost 8 weeks in to this trip do I understand them a lot better and yes I'm strong as hell for doing this alone. This has been the toughest trip but also the most instructive trip that I have made. There has been times during this stay when I have been on the edge of giving up but I decide to stick with it, I decided to stay strong.
The first three weeks here was terrible, I was homesick, felt alone, nothing was going as planed and I just felt like what am I doing here. I think I spent more time in my hotel room then anywhere else during this time, I even seriously looked at flights back to Sweden.
But I got through them and after these three weeks it turned to the better, if you look at everything that has absolutely nothing to do with school ( cause that still feels completly hopeless). And the last five weeks have had some really fun times in them.
The thing is though that this thesis where absolutely nothing has gone as I planed it really has taken it's toll on me mentally. The stress from it has put a negative attitude on so much.
It has made me forget to appreciate this amazing opportunity that I have been given to live in this country and culture for 10 weeks. To appreciate the new friends I have made, the beautiful places I have seen, this new city and just this chance to do this. So from now on am I going to appreciate the time that is left and I think that I'm going to appreciate this whole adventure a lot more when I have gotten some distance to it.
I have also learned that it's okey to breakdown and tell and show people that aren't your family or closest friends that you are not fine. Cause It is hard to do this alone but you feel much better if you don't bottle everything up inside. But it's hard cause you don't want to seem "weak" even though if you think about it they really don't think that about you.
Even though there is still this allconsuming feeling of hopelessness when it comes to this thesis do I know that one way or anothe will I have something to present in January so that I can graduate with the rest of my classmate. And this is all thanks to all of you that has been there for me during this weeks and helped me through it. Even if it might not always have seemed like I listen to your word when you tried to cheer me up can I say that they helped. You have said all the wright things and I really appreciate it. So THANK YOU!
It has made me forget to appreciate this amazing opportunity that I have been given to live in this country and culture for 10 weeks. To appreciate the new friends I have made, the beautiful places I have seen, this new city and just this chance to do this. So from now on am I going to appreciate the time that is left and I think that I'm going to appreciate this whole adventure a lot more when I have gotten some distance to it.
I have also learned that it's okey to breakdown and tell and show people that aren't your family or closest friends that you are not fine. Cause It is hard to do this alone but you feel much better if you don't bottle everything up inside. But it's hard cause you don't want to seem "weak" even though if you think about it they really don't think that about you.
Even though there is still this allconsuming feeling of hopelessness when it comes to this thesis do I know that one way or anothe will I have something to present in January so that I can graduate with the rest of my classmate. And this is all thanks to all of you that has been there for me during this weeks and helped me through it. Even if it might not always have seemed like I listen to your word when you tried to cheer me up can I say that they helped. You have said all the wright things and I really appreciate it. So THANK YOU!
On Sunday am I gonna let go of everything that has anything to do with school and just enjoy the last two weeks in this country. Two weeks of well earned vaccation. I will travel and see new places, my parents and grandparents will join me for the last 10 day and we will have a amazing time.
So there is 3 more days to stay strong and survive at the hospital and that is nothing at this point =)